Friday, November 05, 2004

Why Use the Mexican Border When We Have The Peace Bridge?

I got this from a friend of mine. I am plugged into but it was the virtues of emailing that got me this. Here goes:

"from of Philadelphia Daily News
Posted on Thu, Nov. 04, 2004

O Canada, we plead to cede to thee

ADOPT US, O Canada!

As a blue-red split continues in the Divided States of America, we note that
every blue state is contiguous to Canada or to a another blue state that is
contiguous to Canada, except Hawaii - that's not contiguous to anything but a
lot of blue water that's contiguous to Canada.

Therefore, we've got an idea. How about a sort of second American Revolution,
Canada, in which you annex all the blue states, liberate us from King George,
and thus become the world's sole superpower.

What Canada Gets:

* Higher education: All eight Ivy League universities, Stanford, U. Chicago
and Northwestern all just lowered their admissions standards for the kids from

* Serious sports: Forget the Super Bowl. With the Eagles, Patriots, Steelers,
Jets, Vikings and Packers, the Grey Cup is where it's at.

You get the Expos back as they're now in D.C. But who needs the Expos when
you've got the Red Sox, Yankees, Twins, Mariners, Giants, Dodgers, Angels,
Padres, Phillies and Pirates. The World Series is coming! The World Series is

The Raptors are Canada's favorite basketball team? We don't think so.

What about Flyers-Maple Leafs? Flyers-Canadiens? Settle the strike and drop
the puck.

* Warm-weather vacations: Sun yourselves whenever you want in Southern
California or Hawaii at Canada's beautiful beaches.

* The cultural arts: Tourists will love Canada's museums including the
Smithsonian, the Museum of Natural History and the Philadelphia Museum of Art. Plus,
in addition to Broadway, the Kennedy Center and top regional theater, we're
throwing in our best orchestras -- Philadelphia, Boston, Chicago and L.A.

* The entertainment industry: You already love our movies and TV shows more
than those red-staters. So now, when that rare production shoots in California
or New York instead of Vancouver or Toronto, you still get credit for the jobs
and the tax revenue.

* The automobile industry: Ohio can keep its Honda plant. GMs, Fords and
Chryslers are made in Canada.

* The biotech industry: With many of the world's top biotech firms located in
Massachusetts, New York, Washington and California (thanks to $6 billion in
new stem cell research funding), it is likely that Canadian scientists will
cure cancer and heart disease within the next 50 years.

* The computer industry: That's right, we keep Microsoft, Apple,
Hewlett-Packard and Silicon Valley. "America" gets Dell.

* A burgeoning tourist industry: You've now got a lot more to sell than
Toronto, the Cabot Trail and the glaciers in Banff. Even red-staters love to visit
Atlantic City, the Liberty Bell, Maui, the Space needle and Disneyland (now
Disney Canada).

* Fresher produce: Canada, the artichoke, garlic and strawberry capital of
the world. And Canadian wines just got a whole lot tastier.

* Arnold Schwarzenegger: He can't be president but he'd make a swell Canadian

What the Red-Staters get:

* Exactly what they want.

What Blue-Staters get:

* Canadian citizenship: And we don't even have to move.

* "O, Canada": A national anthem that's much easier to sing than "The Star
Spangled Banner."

* Free flu shots. (Not to mention free health care.)

You don't like our "values," red-staters. Well, you've got your wish -- we're
outta here.

But remember, the next time you want to see a Broadway show, visit wine
country, Hawaii or the birthplace of liberty, don't just bring your Visa card,
bring your visa.

You're in Canada now. And we're tightening our borders.

Don't delay, Canada. This offer expires in four years. "

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